*emocloud*

I find it funny that my parents named me "Kristin," which means "Follower of Christ."
And they named my sister "Victoria," which means "Conqueror" or "victory."

Not that I don't love my sister (trust me, I do, she's one of my best friends), but it seems like they knew she would be better than me so they gave her a name that doesn't make her seem like someone who follows religion blindly.

You may think I'm reading too much into this, but... I seem to be invisible to my parents when my sister is around (and pretty much every other time), unless I cry out for attention or they feel like taking their anger out on me. It seems like I live in my sister's shadow. She's smarter than me, prettier than me, for athletic than me, and just all around better then I am.

This is pretty much the reason I insist that everyone call me "Ashura" (or "Disgaea girl", which is an inside joke) in real life, or "What" when I'm online... I can't stand the name my parents gave me and the meaning behind it. It makes me feel like I'm some kind of tool. It makes me feel ugly... Incredibly ugly. I mentally shudder every time I hear someone call out to me using my real name. I hate it. I hate being associated with some religion I don't and refuse to follow. I hate my parents for giving me such an ugly name.

Now, I may seem bitter toward religion. That's because I was force-fed that bullshit my entire life. My parents forced me to go to church and scolded me when I, a young child, couldn't sit still and keep quiet during the service or whatever it's called. They forced me to attend what my friends and I refer to as "jesus classes" until I was fourteen. They expected me to blindly follow it without forming an opinion and belief of my own. They wanted me to be a religious zombie and I hate that.

...Yeah. Needed to get that off my chest.